An end and a beginning

They say amputees still reach out and scratch their missing limb...and though that isn't the most eloquent analogy, it is what I have felt like since leaving you for your new adventure.
Noises in the night aren't you coming home, there is no need to make extra portions at dinnertime, and I have no one to blame when I misplace something. A piece of me is missing, or perhaps displaced is a better word. A part of me is sad, but a bigger part of me is unbelievably proud. I have seen so many changes in you, each alteration enhancing the woman that you are and will become.
Grandma used to say children were like trees - When they were young, you had to protect them and brace them so they would grow straight and strong. The elements would batter the seedling as it grew, causing it to bend and sway, but you were there to give it the support it needed and set it straight again. When it no longer needed your help to stand and grow, you would trim and shape it...helping its limbs get stronger. Then, much too soon, you would find it could stand on its own, with strong roots and branches that you yourself would seek solice and shade under.
You are a beautiful young lady, smart and strong, stubborn and righteous. There will be many battles ahead, happiness and disappointment. Through it all, remember this...I will always be there when you need me most.
Maybe one day we will revive the "mantras", but for now, I will leave you with my most important lessons:
1. To achieve true love you must be willing to give everything of yourself, to be your most vulnerable, to trust and in return be trustworthy. You will know your true love by the sacrifices they are willing to make for you, and you them. Love is a compromise, and can only get stronger if both involved are willing to look beyond themselves and into each others' hearts.
2. The only way people will respect you is if you respect yourself. Your self esteem can only be controlled by one person...you. There will always be someone who doesn't like you because of how you look or what you have to say, you must learn to believe in yourself enough to turn away from that kind of negativity.
3. Never stop learning...I believe it was one of the first mantras I ever wrote. Self-education is the single most important part of a person's growth. You must earn the right to have an opinion, and the only way you can do that is by learning.
4. Judge your wealth by those who love you. You have learned a valuable lesson at a young age, material things can disappear with a puff of smoke. It is the love of friends and family that cannot be broken...bruised sometimes, but never broken.
5. You will always be my little girl.

The Higher the Horse, the Farther the Fall

The temptation to criticize someone else's weaknesses can be alluring. Our culture teaches us to feel better about ourselves when we can point out the faults of others. But are you perfect? Have you nothing to criticize? I wonder if you turned that judgemental eye on yourself how would you fair?

Not Just About Trees

The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago. The next best time to plant a tree is today.

Get Rich in 30 Days!

Every time someone has told me a way that I could double my money, make a quick buck, or get paid for doing nothing...I have ended up in debt, trouble, or both. Hard work, passion, a little luck, talent, and a lot of perseverance...those are the only ingredients to success.
We all measure success in different ways, but I suggest you consider what you had to do to get it a good barometer. If you are not proud of the way you achieve something, then how can you be proud of the results?
I also, once again, must stress that money is not success. I am not the best compensated Director of Sales in New York, but I sure am happy. I strive to earn the respect of my peers, my coworkers, my manager, and my clients. I do so without false promises, disrespect or subterfuge...this I am proud of. This is success.

Falling in Love - Part II

There is no formula for knowing you are in love. There is no divine intervention that tells you that the person you have feelings for is "the one". I only know that being in love should never hurt, you should never have to sacrifice who you are for the one whom you are with. You must ask the question, am I being asked to become someone completely different than who I was when I met this person? If so, why did they love me in the first place?
If I sound dour and forboding, I do not mean to be. I would only hope that you find the kind of joy that I have, before you have given up like I almost did. Falling in love with the right person has empowered me to grow into the person I have always wanted to be. Being in love has taught me the valuable lesson of trust, patience, and faith, not only in the one I love, but in myself.

Bugs Bunny was a Cross Dresser

I mean, really...did you ever see that rabbit with a real girl? Every time he was in trouble...on went a dress, and it wasn't just Elmer that he was cozying up to. Not that there is anything wrong with that...I'm just sayin' that wabbit was into some kinky stuff.

Falling in Love - Part I

Falling in love is the most exciting time of a person's life. The early stages of a relationship are filled with passion, discovery, fear and hope. Love is a heady drug that can be as euphoric or devastating as any illegal substance you may try (I hear). Using that metaphor, it can also distort the way you see, think and feel. It is important to remember that the real substance of a relationship, the real test, is during the hangover, it is then when you can see things more clearly. (It generally coincides with you and your partner's willingness to pass gas in front of each other.)
The most important point I make in this lesson - Part I if you will - is to not make any major decisions before you emerge from the "love haze". Moving in, engagements, financial commitments...this all should wait until you are able to see and think clearly.

Is It Always Right To Be Right?

I can't tell you how much time I have wasted, how many people I have angered, and how often I have been wrong...trying to prove I was right. One of the hardest things to learn is when to just shut up and listen. It is often when my mouth is closed and my mind is open, that I learn the most.

I Believe in God, Not Church

I'm not an atheist. I believe in God. A god. I would be a hypocrite if I didn't admit to it. I pray. Mainly I pray to your Great-Grandmother. This comforts me in my greatest times of fear and sorrow. I like to believe she appreciates it, not only because she told me I would, but because she knows that I truly do miss her.
With that said, I do not think she cares a lick whether I go to church or not. I think, if she had lived to meet my gay friends...our extended family, she would have been just as outraged at their exclusion from God. I still go into churches, sometimes just to wonder at the beauty, sometimes to light a candle in prayer...again to Grandma. I will never be a practicing Catholic again...not until they recognize all of my friends as Children of God, just as Christ would have. I hope you understand this, and I hope it does not keep you from practicing your religion your way.

Why is ignorance bliss?

The more you learn, the more you wonder, worry, and debate. You have obviously grown up listening to my occasional (ahem) rants, and though it may seem that I would have been happier not knowing what was going on in our world, that isn't the case. I hope to get to a point in my life when I can help effect (a or e?) change, but in the meantime, I will try to learn as much as I can and educate those around me. That said, I hope you learn that it is far better to form your own opinions than to regurgitate ones that are fed to you.

Unless they're dead, old dogs CAN learn new tricks

Actually, I am not too sure about dogs, but I do know that people can change, if they want to. Nothing is impossible and one should never use an excuse to account for ignorance.

The Joneses were keeping up with somebody too

One of the hardest things to do in today's world is to live within your means. Credit card companies, retailers, layaway, buy now-pay later...it is far too easy to spend money you don't have. Must you have that new cellphone? Does your job depend on those pretty shoes? Will you earn more respect by carrying that designer handbag? Nope.
I will admit that there is an an added confidence that you may get when you look sharp and carry yourself well, but that can be achieved at any budget. A dumbass wearing Chanel is still a dumbass...and in the end the people who count will see that.

Bambi IS part of the food chain

Just because an animal is cute, doesn't mean you can't eat it. I don't have anything against vegetarians...well...sort of, but making a decision to not try something because Disney made it into a cartoon is a bit foolish.

"Fashionably Late" is only good for cocktail parties

Being known as the one who is always late is not a compliment. Always rushing to be somewhere that you should have been 5 minutes ago creates havoc, not only in your life but the one who is always waiting for you. And trust me...there is always someone waiting for you, otherwise you wouldn't be late.

A Real Friend Says, "Wash Your Face, You'll Look Better Than Me."

I hated this when Grandma used to say it, but get spinach in your teeth one day and see how true it is.

Spit Up And It Will Fall Back In Your Face

I would be remiss if I did not add some of your great-grandmother's mantras. This is the first, and perhaps one of my favorites.

Get the F%&# Over It

Life is hard, and it is harder on some people than others. In your short life you have had to deal with pain and adversity, and I am sorry. It is every parents dream to give their child a carefree life free of sadness. I did not give that to you, but to see how you have blossomed into a young lady makes me proud. See, despite what all of us parents wish for, we really can't deliver it. There is no life without pain, no happiness without sadness, no ying without yang. It is what you do with that adversity, how you move forward, how you live...that's what shapes you.

Three things you can't live without

1. Food
2. Water
3. Friends

Now, you know I mean real food, not something out of a box. And, well, yeah...water is important, but if you want to flavor it with really good tea, that's great too. Friends? It ain't quantity...it's quality.

When in doubt, check the dictionary

Another lesson taught to me by Grandpa, when I had used a colorful italian word to describe one of his girlfriend's children. I thought the word meant sloppy, when in fact it was much, much worse. Perhaps I should have known because I learned it from Grandma. The lesson is not just for foreign curse words, it is also for those $10 words that some people like to use, but have no idea what they mean. The beauty of language, any language, is that words don't have to be long to be meaningful.

One of the greatest lines in movie history

"This place is so bad, there's a sign over the urinals saying please don't eat the big white mint. " - Sam Elliot - Roadhouse.

Always be...LEARNING

I'm revising a former boss' mantra for this one, because I cannot fail to stress the importance of educating yourself. See, that's the problem, the yourself part. The only person responsible for what you know is you. I understand that there are people that are assigned and paid to teach and train you through life, but they can do nothing if you are not willing to learn. There is nothing worse than a stagnant mind, or a person that believes they have learned it all. Show me that person and I'll show you an idiot. Trust me, I used to be that idiot.

Never gamble what you can't afford to lose

This one was taught to me by your grandfather after I got caught in 5th grade betting my milk money that a boy couldn't eat a whole ice cream sandwich in one bite. Could I afford to not drink milk that day? Sure. Was it worth my Dad coming to school and reaping my grandmother's wrath when I got home? Nope.
My point really is that gambling isn't always done in a casino, we take chances every day, sometimes without thinking about the consequences. If you always ask yourself "What's the big picture? Am I risking far more than I think?", your regrets may end up to be few.

Dishes before bed

Do the dishes before you go to bed. Ketchup turns to cement after three days in the sink.

Be an optimist

The world is too full of naysayers and negative people. Take the positive route and you will not only appeal to those around you, but you will soon be able to face any challenge with a smile.